US Lawmakers Worried About Coming Apocalypse

You guess which apocalypse has lawmakers laying awake at night:

a) A sudden, lightning fast invasion of our shores by a raping and pillaging Chinese military.

b) The detonation of a crudely-formed, radioactive dirty bomb by Islamic fundamentalists.

c) America's television viewing making a precipitous drop.

If you guessed "c," you are correct:

The Feb. 17 transition from analog to digital television broadcasts looms and as many as 8 million households are still unprepared, but the government program that
subsidizes crucial TV converter boxes is about to run out of money.

People who still rely on analog TV sets to pick up over-the-air signals — whether it is through rabbit-ear aerials on TVs or antennas on the roof — will see their screens go dark when the changeover happens. To avoid that, those people have to switch to cable or satellite TV, buy a television set with a digital tuner or buy a converter box that can translate digital signals from the airwaves into analog.

If you surf over to the article proper, you won't find even the faintest hint of indignation--the kind that should exist when the government is willing to toss this kind of money at a frivolity. But no. We are literally talking about saving the very fabric of American culture; falling far short of heroic measures and simply providing the water and air needed for life essential:

Now the NTIA is warning that unless lawmakers step in quickly with more funding or new accounting rules, it will have to create a waiting list for coupon requests. That would mean it could send out additional coupons only as unredeemed ones expire, freeing up more money for the program.

Do you feel the extreme, "imminent threat" to Americans? Do you see the grappling hooks of the apocalypse coming over the starboard side? You don't? Well, let the Associated Press paint the picture for you:

In other words, if Congress doesn't act soon, consumers who apply for coupons in the final weeks leading up to the digital transition might not get them in time.

If Congress doesn't act soon? I have a feeling MSNBC , the AP , and Congress would support waterboarding children in the HeadStart program if it meant keeping their influence on the air. They know a real crisis when they see it. television access is not only a phantom inheritance enumerated in the Bill of Rights, but the lifeblood of all that matters. Islamic terrorism, H5N1 viruses, and the Jackals at our national gates will have to take a financial back seat until Charm School and Flavor Of Love are over.

-R