Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Protect Yourself From Post-Rapture, Perceptual Trajectory Theft

If you've got forty bucks a month, and a need to shield your post-rapture absence from thieves and fabricators, well maybe this story is for you: has got you covered:

For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.
62 people? Now I'm going to have to dig out my books by E.W. Bullinger just to figure out which pocket they pulled that one from. My favorite part of this, however, is how the message is entirely contingent on the following:
The e-mails will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers "scattered around the U.S." fail to log in for six days in a row -- a system that incorporates a nice margin of safety, should two of the proprietors turn out to be unrepentant sinners or atheists.
Atheists? Starting a site like this to begin with? At least they've tacitly rejected Eternal Security in the run up. Although, if it were me, I'd be directing the following to my Jewish friends, because I have a feeling my Gentile buddies will be a bit taxed (assuming all my assumtions are square, of course):
Users can also upload up to 150 megabytes of documents, which will be protected by an unidentified encryption algorithm until the Rapture, then released to up to 12 nonbelievers of your choice. The site recommends that you use that storage to house sensitive financial information.
But that's just me. I think the point here is to make sure you make it in the first place. The rest is arguably moot.


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